SIAFU!

For years I've tried to peacefully and harmoniously co-exist with the ants that unfailingly appear inside our home every summer. Perhaps because my nature-lover friend Chiqui used to feed the ants in school, I have more sympathy for these nuisance creatures than I probably should. I'll also admit I greatly admire these hardworking soldiers: they work all day and all night, every day, and they carry loads heavier than their own weight.

So I don't kill them unless they get to our food or when they start checking out the kitchen. Otherwise, if they're simply grocery shopping in the bathrooms or bedrooms I ignore them -- especially because there's nothing remotely edible to be found in these private spaces and I assume they'll give up soon enough. When they do go too far or stay longer than I can handle, I kill them with a forceful spray of surface cleaner (it's the multitasker in me: when I wipe up all evidence of the battle scene, I end up with a bright, sparkling floor or counter as well).

But now I'm convinced my patience and tolerance has only served to embolden them: they are everywhere, like they own the place or something, and they're simply not going away. And I'm finally fed up.

Not only have I had my ass bitten in the loo a couple of times already, but before I went to sleep at 5:00 am today (yes, you read that correctly) I first had to lay waste to entire armies that were crazily swarming inside the trash bin. What was in there? Well, let's just say it's THAT time of the month for me (sorry if you got a gross visual just now, but how else was I supposed to put it?). These ants are cannibals, I'm convinced -- they're like the African siafu, who have been known to kill and devour chickens, cows, and even babies left alone. They're after my blood -- literally!

So now it's war. I'm headed for the hardware store to buy poison traps and I'll plant them in every corner of the house. It will be ant annihilation peeples; these suckers must DIE! It's either their ass or mine -- and I don't like having mine bitten (unless I ask a particular someone to do it, of course). Sorry Chiqui -- I'm with you in the green movement and all, but if I leave them alone I'm only going to be seeing red from now on.