Dear Me,
I know how absolutely terrified you are to be in college now, at school with boys for the first time in your life and surrounded by people who seem to do better at everything than you are capable of.
Try to keep this in mind: they are as frightened as you are. Even the ones who look so confident and self-assured and talk as if they know everything -- underneath the surface they are wondering why it looks so easy for everyone else when they're struggling just to keep up.
I was reading your diary, full of despair about your writing ability. You are a better writer than you think, more insightful for an annoying teenager than I gave you credit for, but you're so full of self-doubt and fear of mediocrity that it paralyzes you. I hope this brings you some measure of comfort: one day, during one of the darkest periods of your life, you will find your voice. It will come out of nowhere. One afternoon you will find yourself typing out a four-page newsletter to your family and closest friends to let them know how you're coping. It will be full of humor you didn't know you still had. And mom will worry that you're going insane because no one could possibly have a laugh while losing it all. But you can.
I don't want to reveal what's in store for you these next 30 years and spoil the surprise. All your decisions and actions, no matter how wise or foolish they prove to be, will make you the woman you become, and so you need to go through them. What I can tell you is that nothing will happen for you the way you think they will. There will be times when you think you just might break, but let me assure you that you are unbreakable. Have faith that the road you are on is the right one, even when you think you've lost your way.
Your handful of close friends right now will be with you when you need them the most, so keep them. You can also look forward to forging a few very special friendships in college; these will help bring out the best in you and change your life for the better. In fact all your life you will choose your friends wisely. None of them will ever lead you astray.
Lastly, you will find love and lose it and find it again. I know, I know...you want this one to be the first and last you will ever have. But you'll get to stand at this exact spot where I stand now and realize with joy that in your life you loved so deeply -- and that you were loved exactly the same way.
Love,
Me
PS: Okay, I cannot resist. One day you will end up in the emergency room for acute bronchitis and will be asked to do a favor the next day. Don't do it.
so sweet! Wish we could all write notes to our past selves
Posted by: A Orozco | July 23, 2012 at 04:28 PM
By the way, you may meet this chubby sophomore, along with his whole group of friends. He is secretly in love with you.
Mahal
Posted by: Mahal | July 23, 2012 at 09:12 PM
A - You can, you know. Give it a shot! :)
Posted by: Gigi | July 23, 2012 at 09:49 PM
Mahal - But he told me he was in love with someone else!
No matter, this way our love was forever. :)
Posted by: Gigi | July 23, 2012 at 09:50 PM
Apparently, he didn't know better then. Aside, too many people were teasing him with you.
Posted by: Mahal | July 30, 2012 at 09:41 PM
Still true, my love.
Posted by: Mahal | July 30, 2014 at 03:50 AM