I was reading a lifestyle/entertainment magazine that my sister sent me from the Philippines and the feature story was about a celebrity couple that broke up because the man had an affair with a sexy actress. In a slightly different twist from the scenario we're more used to seeing, his acknowledged girlfriend is actually the more successful one of the two and supports him in every possible way. So when she found out about his betrayal, she broke it off with the two-timer and then he supposedly tried to kill himself in his grief. As a doctor he probably should have known a more surefire way of ending his life -- but I suppose this really wasn't his intention to begin with. As the article goes on, we sense that many of his intentions are actually just as murky.
One of the things that really irked me was the 'Other Woman's" comments. She claims to be blameless and guilt-free in this entire sordid affair because she says she did nothing wrong (I'm paraphrasing here). She asserts this knowing fully well that the man was in this (high-profile) relationship, especially since she even does promotional work for the girlfriend's business and has been photographed with the couple at parties and events.
But she says she's done nothing wrong because she never asked the man to leave his girlfriend. She simply continued, she explains, to spend time with him whenever it was convenient for him -- even if it meant she was often lonely and sad. She says she was merely being patient, waiting for the couple to break up and for him to finally choose her. But that never happened. In other words, she sees herself as another victim in this affair.
Excuse me? Sure, if it hadn't been her, it probably would have been another woman -- that much may be true. But it was she who insinuated herself between the two; it was she who has become the face of the public reason for the break-up. Perhaps if she hadn't known that he was in a relationship then she truly would have been an innocent bystander. But ladies -- and we all know this deep inside -- if you choose to have an inappropriate relationship with someone who is supposed to be committed to someone else, then you're no victim. You're actually a perpetrator, almost as much as the philanderer is.
I know this firsthand because I've been guilty of this a couple of times myself. Of course I thought I had all sorts of reasons that justified my choices then. And, yes, I was certain I loved him more and better than she did (why, he even told me so himself!). Sure, I/we never got caught anyway so there was no harm done in the end, right? Wrong. And so was I.
I don't always choose to do what I know is right, unfortunately. Even at an age when I'm supposed to know better, I tend to be a bit too rash, too reckless, for my own good. The only thing that's really changed between then and now, from the days when I could have claimed to be simply too young and stupid and be forgiven for it, is that I no longer try to make excuses nor explain away my guilt. If I make a decision that goes against my rational self, I'm ready to face the consequences and accept what's coming to me. Whether or not I own up my mistake to anyone else, I know what I did wrong and I have to live with that knowledge. What this also means is having to bite my tongue and shut up, instead of trying to protest my innocence with half-hearted rationalizations.
Which is what that other woman should have done, I think. Love may be the answer -- but it's not always a good reason.
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