Almost a quarter-century ago I came to the United States as a Filipino who hadn't really defined herself in terms of race and country. If you had asked me before I came over here to describe myself, I probably would have talked about the cities I was born and lived in, the school that educated me for practically my entire life, my family and friends, my interests and activities.
But when I came here, none of that meant anything to anybody else. Most people I met had no idea where these places were or who these people happened to be. It was almost like being a blank slate: I was a brown face with a bit of a quirky accent, who obviously came from somewhere else. Thus I was usually asked where I was from -- and 99% of the time "where" meant a foreign country. What I learned pretty quickly was that if I wasn't going to define myself, then someone else was going to do it for me.
I've written about this before so I'll make this post fairly brief. Finding myself was the biggest adventure of all, even more challenging and rewarding then starting over in a strange, new land. More so because there's no end to this road, it just keeps going.
I am proud to be American; despite how (negatively) this country is viewed in most of the rest of the world, I've seen it up close and personal, not just in news bits and opinion pages. I know its sins -- but I also know how much it tries to redeem itself and constantly become better. It is not the sum total of Bush's (disastrous) foreign policy, even if many Americans supported him to begin with -- and still do despite everything. In a sense I fit into the spirit of the country, at least the one that I've felt strongly while living here all these many years: we don't get it right all the time, in fact we get it wrong too many times, but we still keep trying. I could be describing myself this way after all.
I am proud to be Filipino. I don't see any contradiction here; because I live in the United States it doesn't have to be an either/or proposition. My soul is deeply Filipino -- something I discovered only by coming to America. I don't say this defensively, that because as a Filipino-American I'm part of the minority and need to prove my worth. I don't say this either as a reaction to some perceived negative connotation that someone else might have about Filipinos or Asians. What others might think or say about us is nothing I can control.
I don't apologize to anyone for being who I am and happily proud of it. To those who might view my recent oath-taking as some form of betrayal of the Philippines and its people, I say they're small-minded. I say the same of those, too, who think that I shouldn't be proud to be anything else but American. I am both -- as well as I am many different things also. I am not only my race or my country; I'm also made up of my beliefs, principles, likes and dislikes -- as well as all the other things that helped define me before I ever came here, as well as after.
In short, I define myself -- no one else can do that for me. I am proudly Filipino-American -- and I'd better be. Because if I'm not proud of who I am, no one else is certainly going to be of me. The only way that I can hold my place here or anywhere else is by knowing it's mine, that I own it. I am Filipino regardless of where I happen to be in this world -- and I choose to live here. This might be a tough concept to grasp for some, but being one doesn't make me less of the other. I happen to think I have the best of both worlds. I also happen to think -- and please forgive me if I appropriate the lyrics of a 1980's dance tune by Stacy Q -- it's like having two hearts that beat as one.
But when I came here, none of that meant anything to anybody else. Most people I met had no idea where these places were or who these people happened to be. It was almost like being a blank slate: I was a brown face with a bit of a quirky accent, who obviously came from somewhere else. Thus I was usually asked where I was from -- and 99% of the time "where" meant a foreign country. What I learned pretty quickly was that if I wasn't going to define myself, then someone else was going to do it for me.
I've written about this before so I'll make this post fairly brief. Finding myself was the biggest adventure of all, even more challenging and rewarding then starting over in a strange, new land. More so because there's no end to this road, it just keeps going.
I am proud to be American; despite how (negatively) this country is viewed in most of the rest of the world, I've seen it up close and personal, not just in news bits and opinion pages. I know its sins -- but I also know how much it tries to redeem itself and constantly become better. It is not the sum total of Bush's (disastrous) foreign policy, even if many Americans supported him to begin with -- and still do despite everything. In a sense I fit into the spirit of the country, at least the one that I've felt strongly while living here all these many years: we don't get it right all the time, in fact we get it wrong too many times, but we still keep trying. I could be describing myself this way after all.
I am proud to be Filipino. I don't see any contradiction here; because I live in the United States it doesn't have to be an either/or proposition. My soul is deeply Filipino -- something I discovered only by coming to America. I don't say this defensively, that because as a Filipino-American I'm part of the minority and need to prove my worth. I don't say this either as a reaction to some perceived negative connotation that someone else might have about Filipinos or Asians. What others might think or say about us is nothing I can control.
I don't apologize to anyone for being who I am and happily proud of it. To those who might view my recent oath-taking as some form of betrayal of the Philippines and its people, I say they're small-minded. I say the same of those, too, who think that I shouldn't be proud to be anything else but American. I am both -- as well as I am many different things also. I am not only my race or my country; I'm also made up of my beliefs, principles, likes and dislikes -- as well as all the other things that helped define me before I ever came here, as well as after.
In short, I define myself -- no one else can do that for me. I am proudly Filipino-American -- and I'd better be. Because if I'm not proud of who I am, no one else is certainly going to be of me. The only way that I can hold my place here or anywhere else is by knowing it's mine, that I own it. I am Filipino regardless of where I happen to be in this world -- and I choose to live here. This might be a tough concept to grasp for some, but being one doesn't make me less of the other. I happen to think I have the best of both worlds. I also happen to think -- and please forgive me if I appropriate the lyrics of a 1980's dance tune by Stacy Q -- it's like having two hearts that beat as one.
great, insightful post gigi - i share the same sentiments.
btw, congrats on your citizenship! :)
Posted by: abby | May 29, 2008 at 06:26 AM
a friend has this to say that she is still a filipino when she goes to America or to any part of this world. acquiring citizenship from other countries can never obliterate that.
this is a nice post, gigi. :-)
Posted by: bingskee | May 29, 2008 at 07:36 AM
Congratulations my dear for now being a trueblue Filipino-American. Truly you deserve it. A
nd like the great long lashes of Maybelline, you're born with it!
Posted by: Jase | May 29, 2008 at 10:57 PM
Ha,ha,ha.... sorry mali ang nasulat ko... I should have written:
"... And just like Revlon's New Hair Color, YOU'RE WORTH IT!"
Sabay kindat and move ng hair
Posted by: jase | May 29, 2008 at 11:02 PM
When you said "two hearts that beat as one" my reference wasn't Stacey Q, but something infinitely more baduy... Endless Love!
All together now! "Two hearts...two hearts that beat aaas one. Our lives have just begun..."
Posted by: ana5678 | May 30, 2008 at 12:41 AM
Abby, Bingskee - Thanks!
Jase - Sabay tayo mag kindat and move ng hair! :)
Ana5678 - Omigod, Stacy Q stole from Lionel Richie!!! Gawd, my references just get cheesier and cheesier...
Posted by: Gigi | May 30, 2008 at 11:07 PM
Excellent post, Gigi. I share many of the same sentiments. We have a monthly collaboration at Rice Bowl Journals. This month's collaboration was to be on Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, and I thought your post was an excellent contribution. I hope you don't mind if I shared it on the RBJ forum.
Posted by: Manny | June 04, 2008 at 09:34 AM
Excellent post, Gigi. I share many of the same sentiments. We have a monthly collaboration at Rice Bowl Journals. This month's collaboration was to be on Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, and I thought your post was an excellent contribution. I hope you don't mind if I shared it on the RBJ forum.
Posted by: Manny | June 04, 2008 at 09:34 AM
Manny - Not at all...thanks!!!
Posted by: Gigi | June 09, 2008 at 05:37 PM