The day after I got married I didn't feel any different from the day before, or the day before that. I began noticing differences a bit afterwards, most dramatically in how I was now perceived by everyone else. I used to have a lot of guy friends, for instance, but now they had stopped calling to tell me about their dates, relationships, or even just to say hello. And forget the post-midnight runs for coffee and conversation -- in fact, forget about going out alone with them at all. It just wasn't happening, not because I said so, but because they didn't think my new-husband would appreciate it the slightest.
The other differences were much more subtle, but not less life-altering. It had to do with how I filled out forms (for instance, which boxes I now checked) and how being married affected, say, my taxes. A few years later I realized my priorities had changed as well. None of this happened overnight; I suppose the changes came on so gradually that I still felt like the same person I was when I was single -- even when I was no longer really the same person at all.
Changing my citizenship, I suspect, might almost be the same thing. I've been living in the US for about two decades now, so it's not like I'm expecting dramatic differences in my daily life or in my routines. I still feel like I'm the same person I was before the other day, when I swore allegiance to the American flag. I'm still Filipino -- not merely because I speak the language or love the food or read news about the Philippines daily -- but because it's simply who I am.
But there are differences, and as subtle as they feel they are quite powerful. For one thing, I can vote now (which I can't wait to do). I can sit in a jury and decide someone's fate. I can be called on to fight for this country (let's hope not, simply because I'm a pacifist). I can apply for jobs that I couldn't get when I was only a permanent resident. I can move around and not have to worry about having my green card with me.
I woke up today remembering the days when I was still frightened, wondering how I was going to survive here when I wasn't supposed to be here, wondering if I was going to wait to get deported or just leave on my own and hope that my papers didn't take much longer to be processed. I haven't had those fears in a while, but now all my fears in that regard are completely gone. I can cross the Mexican or Canadian borders, for instance, and know I don't have to worry about being let back in.
I relish knowing that I can fly back to the Philippines and instantly feel welcome and at home -- and then fly back here and feel the same. But as far as my day-to-day existence is concerned, I'm the same person I was before Wednesday, when the Immigration folks took my green card from me because I no longer needed it. And even with these changes, both subtle and dramatic, I think I'll always feel like I'm still me, until perhaps the day comes when I'm really not.
I'll also be checking new boxes in forms now. Maybe because just like the day I got married, there was a bit of shuffling, but the truth was I was instantly sorted into another box altogether.
The other differences were much more subtle, but not less life-altering. It had to do with how I filled out forms (for instance, which boxes I now checked) and how being married affected, say, my taxes. A few years later I realized my priorities had changed as well. None of this happened overnight; I suppose the changes came on so gradually that I still felt like the same person I was when I was single -- even when I was no longer really the same person at all.
Changing my citizenship, I suspect, might almost be the same thing. I've been living in the US for about two decades now, so it's not like I'm expecting dramatic differences in my daily life or in my routines. I still feel like I'm the same person I was before the other day, when I swore allegiance to the American flag. I'm still Filipino -- not merely because I speak the language or love the food or read news about the Philippines daily -- but because it's simply who I am.
But there are differences, and as subtle as they feel they are quite powerful. For one thing, I can vote now (which I can't wait to do). I can sit in a jury and decide someone's fate. I can be called on to fight for this country (let's hope not, simply because I'm a pacifist). I can apply for jobs that I couldn't get when I was only a permanent resident. I can move around and not have to worry about having my green card with me.
I woke up today remembering the days when I was still frightened, wondering how I was going to survive here when I wasn't supposed to be here, wondering if I was going to wait to get deported or just leave on my own and hope that my papers didn't take much longer to be processed. I haven't had those fears in a while, but now all my fears in that regard are completely gone. I can cross the Mexican or Canadian borders, for instance, and know I don't have to worry about being let back in.
I relish knowing that I can fly back to the Philippines and instantly feel welcome and at home -- and then fly back here and feel the same. But as far as my day-to-day existence is concerned, I'm the same person I was before Wednesday, when the Immigration folks took my green card from me because I no longer needed it. And even with these changes, both subtle and dramatic, I think I'll always feel like I'm still me, until perhaps the day comes when I'm really not.
I'll also be checking new boxes in forms now. Maybe because just like the day I got married, there was a bit of shuffling, but the truth was I was instantly sorted into another box altogether.
i know a lot of folks who chose (or acted) to be different as soon as they landed on US soil, more so when they became citizens. some "were" even close friends of mine. I don't understand what made them so, nor will I ever. Maybe I'm an exception, but I remain the same idealistic pinoy whose loyalty just happened to have an added twist. I'm proud of my US citizenship but am more proud of my heritage and what I have become because or inspite of it. I'll always be Pinoy first!
Congratulations Gigi, and what perfect timing, this year being a national election year. Hint: check your voter registration with your local registrar ahead of time. You don't want to find out you're unlisted right on election day! It was very disappointing when it happened to me.
Posted by: Dennis | May 26, 2008 at 11:45 AM
I still remember the first day at work after my wedding, when the phone rang and my co-worker called out to me, "It's your husband." My breath caught in my throat and the realization crashed down on me that I was MARRIED - it was a funny to feel so different and yet still the same. And though I wasn't a citizen yet at that time, I finally felt safe, married to an American, no longer afraid of being thrown out of the country. It took me 5 years to apply for citizenship, only because I didn't realize I could do it earlier and I didn't really care, but I do like being able to vote - since then I've only missed one election, that was the California primary (I'm registered independent). Though I have yet to serve on a jury, I wouldn't mind experiencing it at least once.
Posted by: Anna | June 02, 2008 at 03:31 PM
Dennis - I got my postcard verifying I was registered but I'll take your advice and check anyway. I'd hate to find out I wasn't when it was already too late. Thanks for the tip!
Anna - I guess the beef I have with jury duty is that they pay you something like five bucks a day -- which nowadays barely covers a gallon of gas! Although I suppose if it were for a really interesting case, I might not mind so much.
Posted by: Gigi | June 09, 2008 at 05:36 PM