BETTER THEN THAN NOW

Over coffee, about a week ago.

She: God, if there's one thing I regret it's all the time I wasted on those bad relationships. I must have been so insecure to have put up with with all that. We're talking years of my life I can't get back!

Me: I hear you. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking, too. Although I did luck out once in a while and had a few good men.

She: Well, good for you -- because I sure didn't.

Me: Eh. When it happened it was a case of right guy, wrong time anyway. But usually it was just the wrong guy. Sometimes I think that if I'd spent the same amount of energy on myself and my career instead of trying to fix all those awful relationships, I'd be much further along in life than I am now.

She: Me too!

Me: But we can't think like that, we just can't. I really believe that you and me, we had to get that out of our system. We obviously thought we needed someone else to fix us, so we could become whole or complete or something. And maybe it's good that we did that when we were younger and got it out of the way already. Because maybe if we didn't do it then, then we'd be dealing with that crap now. Because we had to do it... sometime.

She: You really think so?

Me: Yeah, I do. We're so done with all that shit. And anyway, everything we did then brought us to where we are now, right? Besides, to really appreciate the good, I think you gotta know what bad is. And we know BAD for sure.

She: (Laughs.) We sure do!

###

My girlfriend and I, we've just cried too many tears over boys who weren't even worth a sniffle. Like that one of hers who kept leading her on even when he already had a fiancée (and then he had the nerve to try to booty-call her a couple of times when his wife was pregnant!). And that one of mine who made all these grand plans for us, like about moving in together, as soon as we started dating -- and then promptly got cold feet because he said we were moving way too fast even if he seemed to be the only one pedaling.

When it came to relationships, I just couldn't get it right. For instance, I turned down a golden opportunity to become an exchange student in the U.S. for a year because I didn't want to leave my boyfriend. Three years later I then left someone I loved quite deeply because I didn't want to make the same mistake -- and wondered for many, many years afterwards if I should have stayed instead. I once committed to a relationship because the guy was really, really nice and I didn't want to hurt his feelings (yes, I actually did this -- only to find out the "Mr. Nice Guy" act fooled so many of us). Then I wouldn't commit to another guy because he was "too" nice and ended up crying on his wedding day.

My friend and I, we have stories we're too ashamed to even think about. But we can either keep beating ourselves over our mistakes, over all that wasted energy and time, or we can simply be grateful that we made them when we were still resilient enough to bounce back. Again and again. And now we're so much stronger; we know better.

Or at least, we're not crying anymore.

Comments

[Iggy]

When I look back some of those guys just make me cringe. Hay...well at least we learned, right? :D

[L]

hay nako. what can i say. just turn gay.

[pinayingermany]

but the best thing from having gone through this experience is that you learn from them.

[jase]

I dream of having a girlfriend like that! You are lucky my dear :)

[Gigi]

Iggy and pinayingermany - Yes, we did. :)

Note: Iggy - I would LOVE to see some sort of compilation on cringe-worthy relationships written by a few fearless female bloggers. Oh the stories we can tell, 'no? I can already imagine a bunch of men out there shaking in their boots at just the thought...Buti nga.

L -Oh don't think I haven't thought of that! Until, of course, my lesbian and gay friends told me about THEIR relationship problems and I realized that pare-pareho lang talaga tayo.

Jase - Why, thank you :)