STORY

Almost a year ago I was asked by the editor of a literary magazine if I was interested in submitting a short story for publication (I'm sure he meant for consideration, with no guarantees -- I mean, what if I handed him 8,000 words of sheer crap?). He mentioned the pay -- which he seemed to almost apologize for -- and I honestly don't remember what it was. I didn't really care if I'd get paid for my words at all (yes, I know, I shouldn't be saying this in public); I was just floored, flabbergasted, beyond flattered. I was simply amazed he had even asked.

I thanked him profusely for contacting me. And I never mentioned whether or not I'd ever be sending him anything, or if I intended to.

See, I've never thought of myself as a literary writer. I wasn't an English major in college, I never studied the greatest novels ever written nor anything about their authors, never attended any writer's seminars, and if I had to write a short story I'd probably have to buy one of those "Idiot's Guides" and try to figure out how to begin. I do, however, have a journalism degree and I was trained how to investigate and research, write objectively (the facts, just the facts) and give the readers all the details as completely and concisely as possible.

To this day I've never even attempted to write a fictional piece; I simply do not know how to.

Still, since Mr. Editor wrote I've had a story brewing inside of me. Just as how I begin to write my blog posts, I have no idea where exactly it's going or how it's going to end -- I just have a thought and a mood and a couple of conflicted characters. I find, however, that each time I start to write my story down I have to stop because I feel like I'm being ripped wide open. And because I'm not a literary writer, I have no clue if this is normal or if I merely have serious emotional or mental issues.

I suppose this is strange since I blog about highly personal stuff (too personal, some might even think). But when I blog I only write what I wish -- or rather, what I'm ready -- to share or reveal to both friends and strangers. There's so much more that I prefer to keep to myself, that resides and hides all the way down inside. Sure, I've written about past relationships, for instance, but I've always kept out what was truly awful, ugly, unbearable -- yet also what was positively sublime. It's my way of protecting myself, I guess.

I've discovered that when I start to write a story, I end up digging deep, deep, deep, into unseen recesses of my psyche. It's almost as if labeling it as "fiction" gives me permission to bring out thoughts and emotions I could never expose otherwise. And it hurts, it's raw, it makes me confront experiences and memories that I (thought I) had dealt with and filed away for future reference.

But I still have this story in my head (or is it in my heart?) and I have this niggling need to finally write it down. But once I get past all vulnerability I'd still have to fight through my remnants of self-doubt, of comparing my proletarian prose to the mellifluous brilliance produced by all those real writers out there.

I have absolutely no idea how writers do what they do; they must be seriously fearless folk. After all, they must keep themselves open constantly -- open to their muse, their inspiration, their dreams, their lives. Open like a wound that can never heal, I wonder? Yet I imagine the only thing worse than that would be closing up or shutting down so nothing can come in or out.

So now I'd like to tell you all a story...

Comments

[rolly]

Him my first time to comment although I have been here before, thanks to Basang Panaginip's list. Now you know what kind of stuff I love to read, hehe.

Anyway, the apprehension, if I may call it that, may be because of the fear that the reader might think what you have written is a personal account. Many have fallen into the trap of confusing the author with the persona of a literary piece. But that is not always the case, right? One does not be a murderer to write a good murder story. So there, write on!

Oh, I am not a literati, too. Just happen to be a reader.

[R]

Waiting for the story. I am sure its going to be steak sauce. :-)

[noelle]

Hi Gigi! Don't worry. That ripped apart feeling is completely normal. And likely why I haven't written fiction in a year as well. You should do it, man. Go to it. Am sure it will be great...Noelle

[Gigi]

Hi Tito Rolly (sorry to put the "tito" there but everyone else seems to do it so I feel rude if I don't, too :)) - I didn't even factor that in. But I see where that kind of thinking comes from; I suppose people assume that writers write what they know about, without factoring in that sometimes it's all about good research.

R - This "steak sauce" thing is killing me! I even googled to see if you were using some kind of figure of speech I'd never come across -- and now I've become an expert at steak sauces!!! C'mon ... grill me.

:)

Noelle - Thanks! Something happened to me recently that really threw me for a loop and made me feel vulnerable again (in a good way, I think) and maybe that's why I've been posting so openly. I suppose I should take advantage of feeling so exposed. Now where do I find an "Idiot's Guide to Writing Short Stories" book? :)

[Anna]

It's not the Idiot's Guide, but here's an article:
http://www.writinginfo.org/Psychology-Effortless-Writing/358

[R]

LOL. Steak sauce = A1 = Good, excellent, fabulous, fantastic. Get the point? My email with this post is legit. So where's the story? :-)

[Gigi]

Hi Anna - Hey, it's so good to "see" you!!! When are we getting together for Yey's birthday? At the rate things seem to be going, we might not see her until her wedding (yeah, I know I'm starting rumors). :)

Thanks for the link -- very useful read.

R - Aha! I guess that was so obvious I couldn't figure it out. Or maybe it's because I read about every single freakin' brand of steak sauce manufactured somewhere in the world today that I got confused! :)

[duke]

hello Gigi!

you really have the gift of storytelling. Often times, I find myself relating to your posts in an indirect way.

[Gigi]

Thanks Duke! I suppose it's because there are some experiences that are simply universal. The details might be different, but the emotions and lessons are the same. :)