GIGI THE GROUCH

I usually am in one of three moods: pensive, happy, or overjoyed. This week make it four: grouchy.

I'm still feeling a bit crotchety but haven't let go of my usual optimism, for instance: I know, for sure, I'm not going to kill anyone today. Trust me, with the kind of week I've been having, I consider that statement of positivity proof of my deep-down inner perkiness. Still, I find that these days, things that normally bug me REALLY annoy me -- and until I shake off this funk I'm in, it would be best for folks who generally fit any of the following descriptions to keep away from me (or announce yourselves so I can stay away from you).

1. FLAB BLAB - Didn't all our mothers tell us that if we have nothing good to say about others, then just don't say it? Five days before I get on a plane to Manila and I'm already dreading the idea of chancing upon a (rude) relative or former classmate/acquaintance, have him or her take a good look at me and ask loudly, "Anong nangyari sa iyo -- ang taba mo na (Hey what happened to you? You've gotten fat!)!"

   I feel insulted on so many different levels that it's all I can do to contain myself from launching into verbal attack mode. First: Do you think I'm so stupid (and blind) that I can't see for myself I've gained weight? Thanks for noticing but maybe you should buy a mirror that actually works and then take a good look at yourself first -- if you can stand it. Two: Oh yeah, I know -- in fact I've been losing weight slowly but surely. But I'm worried about you; I don't think they've found a cure for ugliness yet, or have they? Three: Yes, I guess I am -- but you should know all about that since you're so fat yourself! Four: Oh you know what they say, fat but happy! Too bad you're not, apparently. Five: Well, I wasn't going to suggest you need a complete beauty and fashion makeover really, really badly, but since you brought the topic up..."

   People tell me that folks back home do that only because it's their way of either saying hello or making conversation. Next time they should just try saying, "Ang tagal mo nang nawala -- kamusta ka na (You've been gone for so long -- what's up with you?)? Is that really so hard to do?

2. TONGUE TWISTER - It's one thing to assume an American/English/Australian accent because you live in any one of those English-speaking countries and need to be understood by the locals. Or even if you've lived there for so long that your accent's been unavoidably altered. But I know this woman who lived in Australia for less than a year (she had to leave because she didn't have the necessary immigration documents in order to stay). And she likes to tell folks that when she speaks to any Australian person, her accent "comes back" to her (she's obviously not referring to her Filipino accent.). She now refers to her mother as "mum" (even if for almost two decades she called her "mom" or "mommy") and breaks into a cringe-inducing pseudo-Australian accent that even Nicole Kidman wouldn't recognize.

   I know this for a fact: Someone who has lived in another country for a year or so will not acquire a new accent permanently. I've lived in the States for more than twice the period I resided in the Philippines, and when I go back you wouldn't really know I've been gone this long; for crissakes even the call center folks in Makati speak with a stronger twang than I do over there. Look -- even Madonna sounds ridiculous conversing like a member of English royalty (even if she owns almost as much acreage as they do). The only reason people affect accents is to show how much "better" they've become or how superior they now are. In fact, my English friends say that when they want to intimidate Americans, they try to sound like BBC presenters and milk the Queen's English for all its worth.

3. AIR HEAD - My friend Joe met a woman through Friendster a while back; she's a model/partygirl in Hong Kong. When he showed me her profile, I had a near-conniption when I read her state unequivocally that NO ugly persons are to contact her. She warns: "If you're ugly and try to contact me I will send you a mirror." Ouch. I mean, she's not lacking in the pulchritude department (at least as far as I could tell with all that makeup she had on), but Zhang Ziyi she's certainly not.

   Whenever I come across folks who have an inflated sense of their superiority (be it because of their beauty, money, class, title, and so on), I can almost hear the the slow hissing sound of their balloon deflating. Because no one has what they have forever, and someone else is always bound to be on top.

4. PEA BRAIN - I'll make this one short because I believe it should be so obvious. I don't enjoy comments that are racist, sexist, homophobic -- anything that involves hating and harming people due to fear and ignorance. And jokes of this kind are the worst; they're powerful tools of all cowardly bigots. Because how do you fight a joke? You really can't -- because the lily-livered idiot hides underneath the cloak of jest, inevitably claims to have only been joking, and then accuses you of having no sense of humor. I have absolutely no patience for anything mean-spirited or close-minded -- even when it comes from the mouths of those near and dear to me. There's just nothing funny about hate.

Comments

[duke]

there are a lot of people in this world who always have a way of ruining your day just by a simple remark. I have a friend who seems to lack all the tact in the world but she does not notice it a bit and would say she always meant well...sigh...

[sistah #1]

jeez... i can only wonder what brought THAT about! hopefully you'll get over your "kasungitan" BEFORE you go home next week. especially since heat and humidity always brings out the best in us :(

[Gigi]

Hi Duke - I'm all for honesty -- but only if one's opinion or advice is solicited. Otherwise I often think it's best to just zip it. :)

HI Sistah - Right when I was almost done with my post, I went to the doctor and found out the reason why I've been feeling blah (and having constant killer headaches to boot) is because my sinuses are still badly inflamed from the bout with bronchitis I had two months ago! So now I'm on another round of yet even stronger antibiotics. Well, at least I know why I haven't been feeling so great. So maybe in a few days I'll be perky again. :)

[John]

I was in a party na few years ago and met this Filipina. Prior to chatting with her, I was informed that she's only been in the U.S. for 8 months. So, I tried chatting with her in tagalog. I almost gagged when she said that she'd already forgotten how to speak the language and now would rather converse in english. All the while, she was saying this in broken english with matching Philippine regional accent. So I look at her in complete awe and wonder. I had to excused myself because I couldn't contain the laughter in my head.

Sayang, she's pretty pa naman. What a turn off.

[Chiqui]

All I know is...we look forward to seeing you. Excited you'll come to M's fundraiser! Great!!! Torn looks forward to seeing you too.
I agree with there being nothing funny about hate. I get the stupid insensitive jokes too (racist, sexist...)-- sometimes from my family! I always tell them off. In fact, my dad passed his cell phone on to me but all the stupid jokes were still in it. He said if they didn't offend me, to keep them til he got back (from the US). Told him they did and deleted them all. As Elvis Costello sang, "What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding..."

[Gigi]

Hi John - I also knew this gal from Manila, who moved to CA. I bumped into her serendipitiously at a party somewhere in Hollywood, and I automatically started speaking to her in Tagalog. But she kept replying in English -- which was painful to hear because it sounded so forced and unnatural (may parang Texan twang pa yata eh!). I was wondering why she refused to speak in Tagalog, and realized maybe she was trying to reinvent herself over here.

Hi Chiqs! I can't wait to see all of you (and yes, Torn most definitely!). I've decided in my head that M's going to beat this, and we're all going to be there to celebrate. Let me know if you want me to bring anything for you, OK?

[Yey]

Gi, my sister just complained about the same tactlessness from folks from back home. She works as a server at a fine dining establishment in Vegas - something that she's really good at - and it's an honest living. Plus, anyone who works there knows how difficult it is to land a job in the better establishments.

She recently served a table of girls from our alma mater, and upon knowing that she studied in the same school, their first remark was, (and imagine the accent, ok?) "Ha? What happened to you? How come you're just working here?" Knowing my sister, she responded with a fake story to the put-down, and left the table with laughter in her head. After all, they only ordered appetizers, whereas she can afford to order the whole gamut of items on the menu, including drinks. She was more pissed that all they left her a $2 tip!

If it's any consolation, the last time I was in Manila, no one said a thing about my weight gain.

[Harrrumph]

those people trying hard to show-off their accent actually reminds me of the play "New Yorker in Tondo"... :-)

[John]

I've always thought that the best riposte is a straight-to-the-point "Ikaw talaga. Pangit pa rin ang ugali." But I've never been able to pull it off!

[bugsybee]

I had a good laugh when you wrote about Filipinas trying hard (talagang TH) to speak with an English twang.
A few months ago, a former student applied for a job in a call center in Makati. Wow, was she shocked when the lady security guard talked to her with a strange "American accent". She said she appreciated the fact that the lady tried to talk to her in English (the call center had a sign encouraging everyone to speak in English) but, bakit may accent pa?

[Paul]

Nice putdowns there. Might use them one of these days when someone comments about my gut (and I don't even drink plenty of beer)!

Have a safe trip, and a reminder that there is another Bizu cake shop in Greenhills, aside from their Makati location.

[Gigi]

Hi Yey - Eeeks. OK my question is: were they from the high school or college? Hehe :)

Hello Harrrumph - Just proves to show how timeless that play is, huh? :)

Hi John - May I borrow that comeback? Please? It's straight to the point and you can say it with a smile.

Hello Bugsybee - That's so funny! I guess the security guard paid close attention to the pronunciation training.

Hi Paul - You know I'm heading straight for Bizu when I get home. Only four more days -- wheeee!

[Yey]

Gi, I don't think she asked, but of course, I'd rather think the way you're thinking. Too bad you're missing Saturday - we're supposed to do the whole singing and dancing thing. But then again, I'm currently the youngest in the group. One thing I've noticed, though, is that all the ladies still have their original accents. ;-)

Have fun in Manila! If plans materialize, I'll be going in September after FPAC; or October after the A3M Fundraiser. I'll email you on any interesting comments made to me, and hopefully I can respond in the appropriate manner in which we were trained. Ha!

[dexie]

#3 reminded me of those mororns who just recently launched a website only for "BEAUTIFUL" people. it was all over the news last week. puhleazze.

like Judge Judy said, Beauty fades :)

[cheesecake]

Hahaha...i share all your pet peeves!

I can't understand why some Filipinas thought speaking with an American twang will make them more American-ize. I even encourage my kids to speak Tagalog at home, so they won't lose the language. It's enough that I talk in English to my husband, in-laws and neighbors all the time, but when i'm talking to a fellow Filipino, Tagalog tayo dapat! I find it funny when I talked to a lot of Filipinas I met here and they almost always start their sentence with "Actually..." and ends it with "you know...". Please, give me a break!! Ayan, ang taray ko na rin! :)

[Stacy]

I say fuck 'em. so there.

[anicee]

ok ang post mo! you hit the nail on the head re some behavioral peeves like greeting someone with "Ang taba mo" and people who try so much to be what they are not. Great Rant piece.

[Gigi]

Hi Yey, Dexie, Cheesecake, Stacy, and Anicee - I'm going to have to go with Stacy here -- even if I'm not so grouchy anymore. :)

[sarah]

hi gigi,

i'm more used to talking in english to my friends because i'm used to the language. =P i've heard stories from friends in college where someone went to the states for some time, less than a year, came back completely forgetting the tagalog language. that never fails to get me laughing.

and yeah, that thing where people greet you with 'oy, ang taba mo na'. i'd like to borrow a couple of your replies if i may. ehehehe.

[asphaire]

hah! first the partygirl in HK... grrrrrr makes my blood boil! anyway yes, it's a reflection of a shallow existence.

second... the comment on those who make ignorant hate-filled jokes and accuse u of having no sense of humor... ahh yes, i have absolutely no tolerance for that either.

err, im not really a grumpy individual. haha just had to react to ur comments

[gdobme]

I know what you mean about "Flab Blab". I visited Manila last month and my cousin said "you're fat". Direct to the point. I'm used to this and don't apologize for it so I just said, "yup". Also, she was slim and shapely, as she's alwasy been, so I couldn't say something nasty back to her.

PS. My aunt said you had a "website" but knowing you, I knew it was a blog so I checked it out. Great.

[bing]

hi, gigi! wow, you'll be here in Manila pala. have a safe trip, ha.

it pains to know that there are people with what is called 'superiority complex'. i pity them though because i sense that it is a defense mechanism to hide what is really abominable about them.

[Gigi]

Hi Sarah - It's not speaking in English that weirds me out, it's doing so with a fake accent. I mean, it's one thing to put on an English one when you live in England -- at least you're only trying to be understood. But to do so -- badly, I might add -- while you're in the US or the Philippines? There really is no point, except an attempt to impress or intimidate, I think.

PS: Only ONE person told me "tumaba ka" -- my paternal aunt. I almost said, "Ay ikaw rin" --which was indeed the truth. But I decided I was younger, cuter, and better dressed and could well afford to be magnanimous. So I bit my tongue.

Hello Asphaire - thanks for stopping by! My friend told me the HK (rhymes with witch) is a popular party girl who dates celebrities like Jackie Chan (even if he's married -- whatever). I think she's engaged to some rich or famous dude. I bet she didn't send him a mirror, regardless of how he may look. :)

Hi gdtobme - First, love the name! Second, who's your aunt -- email me! Dying of curiousity here.

Hello Bing - I suspect you're right. Most of the truly confident people I've met never found the need to prove anything to anyone.

[isay]

gigi, oo nga kainis yong mga kababayan na ganyan. pero tawang-tawa ako dito sa comment ni harrrumph "New Yorker in Tondo!" tsaka ni John: "Ikaw talaga. Pangit pa rin ang ugali." grabeh!!! bwahaha magaya nga yan sa sunod na meet ako ng nakakainis na pinoy.

[Gigi]

Hi Isay - Ok talaga ang line ni John. I don't like being called "taba" -- but if it means I get to use his comeback, bring it on!